ScienceDaily (May 16, 2009) People looking for a good job at a good salary could find their intelligence may not be the only trait that puts them at the top of the pay scale, according to researchers. A new study finds attractiveness, along with confidence, may help job-seekers stand out to employers. … http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/05/090514130641.htm”>read full article

If you belong to the few lucky ones, who still have some extra cash to spend, don’t “waste” it on the newest gadgets. Instead, buy yourself happiness. You may need it in a tough time like now.

“One can’t buy happiness”, I hear you saying. Well, Ryan Howell, assistant professor of psychology at San Francisco State University, begs to differ. He believes that if you spend your money right you can increase your happiness.

The trick is not to “waste” your money on material things. Instead, buy yourself experiences, such as a meal out, going to the theater or to a baseball game.

Howell did a study with 154 people ages 19 to 50 and found that people feel more alive and inspired after they have made experiential purchases. They also appreciated the positive memories they were left with. An additional benefit was the social nature of those experiences, i.e. being together with other people and thus satisfying the need for social connectedness. Overall, buying experiences made people happier than buying stuff.

In conclusion, Howell suggests that his findings can also be applied to purchasing gifts for other people. If you give a certificate for a restaurant, for tennis lessons, or a spa visit, you will not only brighten the day for the person, but also create long lasting happy memories.

Christiane is psychologist and Life & Career coach.  She teaches Psychology at a College in the Greater Boston area. Visit her website at www.coach4u.net

Did you already bake cookies, and made jam ? Are you out of ideas what else to give during the holiday season?  Here a few gifts that won’t cost you a fortune:

 Do you like to cook and have great recipes?

1. You could buy a nice notebook or folder, and create a personalized recipe book for a dear friend or family member.
2. Give a coupon for a five course dinner at your house – or
3. Promise to cook for an event at their house.
4. Buy ingredients for a not-your-every-day family meal and add your special recipe.

For avid gardeners:

1. Give a coupon or gift certificate for a plant, seeds, or fruits from your garden. Add a picture, if you have.
2. If you have seeds from last summer, purchase a pretty box or bag and fill it with seeds and planting instructions.
3. Give your time and experience: Friends or colleagues without green thumb will appreciate a coupon for “garden consulting” – or
4. Give a certificate for “spring cleaning”

Do you need a gift for a couple with young children?

1. Give a coupon for x number of babysitting nights
2. Invite the kids for a weekend in your house
3. Offer your time for help with afternoon activities
4. Organize a party for all the kids of your friends (so that they can spend some grown-up time together)

Do you have an elderly loved-one, friend or neighbor?

Give the gift of your time by giving them a coupon for help with shopping,  rides to medical appointments or a day out in the country.

Christiane is a professional life coach with private practice in Massachusetts. She specializes on helping people on realizing their goals and putting them into action.

I have a good friend whom I admire for her energy, curiosity about life and optimism. She is well into her eighties with an unbroken zest for life.

A while ago, she told me the secret for her positive attitude: “When I get a box with a variety of chocolates, I will eat only one per day. On the first day, I will select the one that I like best. The next day, I will take the best of the remaining, and this I will repeat every day until all are gone. This way, I get to enjoy every day just the best of all my options”. 

If you are like me, then there is always too much to do and never enough time to do it all. In consequence, many of us are controlled by their daily “to do list”.

On a weekly basis, how much time do you have left for some fun in your life? If you don’t know for sure, maybe you will find the work-life balance calculator useful that I recently found on cnn.com

Do you belong to the lucky ones who still can put in overtime? Well, as it turns out now, it may be good for your paycheck but not as good for your psyche.

According to a recently published study by Norway researchers, people who put in more than 40 work hours per week have a higher risk for anxiety and depression.

The researchers compared about 9,000 people, who work 40 hours or less with 1,350, who worked regularly overtime. “Results: Overtime workers of both genders had significantly higher anxiety and depression levels and higher prevalences of anxiety and depressive disorders compared with those working normal hours.” (Journal of Occupational and Environmental Medicine, http://www.joem.org/pt/re/joem/abstract.00043764-200806000-00008.htm;jsessionid=Lb4TB2jD9R9Hx22bQ4dh4p57Bxn241q0TvW9ShJQCqWzp7SLyb0G!-1180856744!181195629!8091!-1 )

According to the United States Department of Labor (http://www.bls.gov, )
full time worker spend just under 43 hours at work per week. In 2006, about 18 % of full time workers put in more than 50 hours per week. Currently, about 3 % of the workforce has a part time job because they can’t find a full time job or their companies cut the work hours because of the economic downturn and about 5 % of the workforce holds more than one job.

Children bring much joy to your life. Are you sure? Think again! According to Daniel Gilbert, Harvard university psychology professor, having children has a negative effect on marital satisfaction. It’s an illusion that children increase people’s happiness.

Gilbert , author of the book ‘Stumbling on happiness’ based his statement during a happiness conference in May in Sydney, Australia on several studies that are quoted in most developmental psychology textbooks: Many couples experience a dip in their marital satisfaction after the birth of their first child. Particularly at risk are those couples who married after a relatively short courtship, are not settled in their partnership yet and get a baby soon after marriage. If couples postpone having children until their careers are under way, work on their financial stability and further concentrate on building up a sense of “we-ness” , their marital satisfaction will be more resilient against the challenges of raising children.

The deepest point in marital satisfaction often comes when the kids enter adolescence. Having a grumpy and moody teenager at home puts a strain on parents’ happiness. Marital satisfaction returns when the kids leave for college.

What Gilbert didn’t say, or it was not reported by the media, is that later in life grown children and their kids, so the grandkids, become a main source for the mental well-being of the elderly. A study by Karen Fingerman showed that the majority of “relationships between parents and their adult children improve as parents transition to old age”….”Generally, there was a feeling on both sides that this was as good as the relationship had been, and both sides felt appreciated and nurtured.” (Karen Fingerman on Purdue University, http://www.purdue.edu/uns/x/2007b/071126FingermanAge.html )

Every time I ask my students about their goals for the next ten years, they put starting a family and raising happy children at the top of their priority list. Only – until now there wasn’t much known about what actually makes children happy. More toys, better video games, a bigger house and/or garden, parents who would stay together, good grades, sports……?Psychologists at the University of British Columbia in Canada are saying all of the above doesn’t count much when it comes to happiness in children.

According to the answers of more than 300 children aged 9 to 12, the answer to the quest for happiness is Spirituality.

Children, who got high happiness marks by their parents and teachers, gave high importance ratings for statements like “I believe that a higher power watches over me” or “developing meaning in my life”.

Spirituality is in the study defined as having an inner-belief system and is not the same as religion. Consequently, attending church had no bearing for the happiness level of the children in the study.

Other factors that influenced the level of happiness in children have been social activities, sports and temperament.

Many psychologists today believe that temperament is the inborn part of personality, and for example being an optimist or a pessimist is a factor of temperament. Simplified, whether you view a glass as half full or half empty is inherited to a certain extent.

Still, even if someone is born as pessimist, it’s possible to modify the outlook:

Ask yourself (or ask your child) at bedtime what positive things happened during the day and what you are grateful for. Research shows that focusing on the positive will make you happier over time and is good for your health. Read on: http://www.coach4u.net/blog/2-steps-happiness.html

Stress is bad for you -there is nothing new about that. Everyone knows that stress could cause heart problems, high blood pressure, stomach ulcers, and headaches. Scientists at the Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia now discovered that stress may also play a role in obesity.

In an experiment, the researchers compared the feeding pattern of socially dominant female rhesus macaques and socially subordinate. The subordinates were exposed to more stress because rhesus macaques maintain group stability through continual harassment and threat of aggression against lower ranking group members.

During the study, the rhesus macaques were given access to a low fat diet and a high fat diet. The researchers found that socially subordinate females consumed significantly more of both the low-fat diet and the high-fat diet throughout a 24-hour period, while socially dominant females ate significantly less than subordinate animals and restricted their feedings to daytime hours.

Result: Overeating subordinate females gained weight. In addition, the researchers found an increased level of the hormone cortisol in their blood, which could set them on the track to diabetes.

In further studies, the researchers will attempt to determine whether there is a link between brain areas associated with reward and satisfaction and appetite signals. Hypothetically, it could be that we are kind of “programmed” to eat more when we are under psychological stress, and then, for a “stress eater” it will be much harder to stick to a diet.

Read more: http://www.whsc.emory.edu/press_releases2.cfm?announcement_id_seq=14225

According to my teenage sons ‘it’s not cool to be old’- and of course, to them anyone over thirty looks suspiciously old.

What little do they know! They don’t know for example that according to a recently published study (Yang Yang, University of Chicago, 2008) older people are happier than younger people. This is because older people have learned to lower their expectations. They are more likely to be content with whatever they have achieved in life. The well-known psychologist Erik Erikson described already more than 50 years ago the main task of late adulthood as “coming to terms with one’s life”, and those who succeed will gain the feeling of integrity, which he described as feeling whole and complete.

Life satisfaction seems to be a factor of one’s perception: as lower the expectation, as higher the happiness. People over 65 don’t expect life to be perfect. They have learned to accept certain aches and pains as part of life, and in general, they develop a more positive attitude.

In another study, published about ten years ago, people over 65 reported more positive emotions and less negative emotions than their younger counterparts. Also this study came to the conclusion that the older you are the happier and more satisfied you should feel. (D. Mroczek & Ch. Kolarz, Fordham University, 1998).

It seems that we all should look forward to our golden years – and there is another good reason for it: Researchers at Yale University found out that people with a positive attitude toward aging live in average 7.5 years longer than those with negative stereotypes (Levy et. al., Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol. 83, No.2)

Cancer researcher Judah Folkman has died. Folkman was a visionary who for more than 30 years pursued his idea that cutting off a tumor’s blood supply would stop cancer growth. Today, more than one million of cancer patients are being treated with medication based on his groundbreaking research.I’m writing about Folkman because his life and work demonstrates that success often requires sticking to ideas even in the face of skepticism and criticism. When he first proposed his ideas about cutting off the blood supply his colleagues didn’t take him seriously. Cancer research in the 70s focused on improving chemotherapy drugs. But Folkman didn’t give up on his idea to swim with the mainstream. Instead, he pursued it with great determination even though his own experiments didn’t always deliver the results he had hoped for. It eventually paid off and in 1998 the Ney York Times celebrated him on page one as the man who could cure cancer. Though these hopes were too high, drugs targeting a tumor’s blood supply are today a fixed part of many treatment plans.

Secret of success

In my opinion, Folkman’s story highlights one of the biggest differences between successful people and less successful. It’s often not about skills, talent, knowledge, power or money. The difference is in the degree of determination and persistence. I read in Folkman’s obituary in the Boston Globe that he liked to joke “if your idea succeeds, everybody says you are persistent. If it doesn’t succeed, you’re stubborn”.

The thing is, many people with good ideas give up because they are afraid of being perceived as stubborn.

No such word as ‘failure’

According to the same obituary a friend said about him, that there was no such word as defeat in Folkman’s lexicon. A setback like an experiment with inconclusive results was only a learning point. Relentlessly, Folkman tried again with new experiments to prove that cancer growth can be stopped by cutting off the blood supply.

This is the second secret of success: the ability to view failure only as a temporary setback. On the long run, each failure offers the possibility to learn from it and thus gets you one step closer to your goal.

Experience success through the assistance of a life coach

Not many people have this ability, and exactly here a life coach could help. A life coach provides support, offers feedback, designs with you a plan how to achieve your goal and will help to refocus in times of temporary setbacks.

Most importantly, a life coach will help you to silence your “inner critic”; it’s this voice inside your head which most of us know too well: “You are not good enough; nobody cares; who you think you are?” The road to success is rocky enough without the added burden of the inner critic.