All posts by Christiane

Coach 4 U Blog, Happiness

In Pursuit of Happiness

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I’m working right now on an e-book about the general topic ‚Happiness‘and ‘How to improve one’s life?’ My plan is to publish the book here on this website in approximately three months. I don’t want to add another textbook or another self-help book to the growing collection of e-books about this topic. Rather, I’m planning a book that will guide the reader toward more clarity about own goals, wishes and needs.

I don’t believe that there is a general answer to the question “What is happiness?” For one person true happiness could come with raising children, for another it may come as result of mastering challenging tasks in a chosen profession, and for a third person happiness may be equal to making the world a better place to live in, or having a positive impact on the life of others.

Daniel Gilbert, Professor of Psychology at Harvard University, writes: “If we were to agree to reserve the word happiness to refer to that class of subjective emotional experiences that are vaguely described as enjoyable or pleasurable”…..”we might still wonder whether the happiness one gets from helping a little old lady across the street constitutes a different kind of emotional experience – bigger, better, deeper – than the happiness one gets from eating a slice of banana-cream pie.” (Stumbling on Happiness, Daniel Gilbert, published by Vintage books, 2007, p. 41/42)

In my opinion, there is a fundamental difference. Happiness is not only about feeling good. If it would be, we won’t need to think about it. Why should we? Eating banana-cream pie would do the job. Kids think like that. They believe that having money will make you happy. However, countless of middle aged professionals, exchanging their well paying job for cheese-making farms know otherwise. Happiness involves fulfilling your own personal needs.

Now, the question many people can’t answer is: What are these needs? What is it that I must have, do, accomplish, or experience during my time on this earth so that I will feel complete at the end of my journey? I believe, knowing the answer to this question provides the foundation for finding happiness.

Gilbert also writes that “the human being is the only animal that thinks about the future” (p.4). He believes that thinking about the future contributes to our stumbling on happiness, because we must decide here and now what we might enjoy and want in future and this is where we fail.

I would like to reword his thought; the human being is the only animal that expects that there is more to life than mere survival as a race.

Would we be happier if we had lower expectations?

Coach 4 U Blog, Healthy Lifestyle

Get ready for Daylight Saving Time

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The snow outside of my window betrays the fact that it’s already this time of the year: clocks spring forward for daylight saving time this Sunday, 3/9.
It sure doesn’t feel like spring, yet; However, regardless of weather and temps outside, I know, I will never be ready for DST. The shift upsets my circadian rhythm, and I will miss the one hour of lost sleep for weeks to come. The shift back in fall is always much easier. I truly enjoy getting one more hour of leisure time on a Sunday.

Many people have a difficult time with the spring DST shift and a few years ago, a Canadian study provided evidence for an increase in the number of traffic accidents that result in fatalities for the Monday following the spring DST shift. The measured increase has been particularly strong in the second half of the day, and the researchers attributed it to effects of the sleep deficit and the resulting fatigue. (http://www.mcmaster.ca/inabis98/occupational/coren0164/two.html#introduction)

This year, I’m determined to be better prepared. I’m planning to move tonight my bed time and get-up time back 10 minutes. If I continue this for the next days, I will be on DST by Sunday. Would be nice if the weather would go along, too.

Coach 4 U Blog, Job Satisfaction

Job satisfation: Do you need more than a good salary?

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Money, money, money – that’s all what counts with respect to job satisfaction. Are you sure? Think again.

My students in my Psychology in Business and Industry class at the college, where I’m teaching believed like many other people at first that money is the main motivator that accounts for their job satisfaction. A few minutes later they had proven themselves wrong.

I had asked what makes a job satisfying, and they quickly came up with many aspects, not only pay: The environment, clean facilities, good benefits, competent bosses, nice coworkers, and flex-time, to name a few. Then I asked to rank those points, and “pay’’ easily won the top spot. Some objected and were saying, they wouldn’t take any job just because of a high salary. The majority, however, stayed with their assessment: As long as the job is “halfway decent”, a good pay would make the difference between job-happiness and job-frustration.

My next question was about the reasons, why they had been unhappy in previous jobs and quit. Surprisingly, it turned out almost nobody had ever quit about money. Reasons have been a boss, who was micro-managing, not enough appreciation or recognition of hard work, issues with co-workers, malfunctioning equipment and safety concerns, boring work or not getting to do the work they have been hired for. They had quit because they have been either unhappy with the work environment and the climate at the workplace or with the work itself.

In the end, they all agreed that there are apparently more important factors for job satisfaction than money. For some, the job fulfills their need for communication and relationships with other people. Consequently, nice bosses and co-workers are most important factors.  Others love challenges and opportunities to grow. Therefore, they feel happier in jobs that offer responsibilities, independence, control over the work, and stimulation.

Obviously, People have different needs. Since most of us spend more time at work than with family and friends, it’s all the more important to clarify the own needs. A Life Coach will not only help you with this; a Life Coach will also assist you in finding the perfect job for you that fits to your needs. Read: What will I get from coaching?

Here is an exercise that gives an idea, how a life coach may work with you:

Think of a job that you liked and of one, where you quit because you couldn’t stand it there. Why was the first a good job and the second a bad job?

Coach 4 U Blog, Healthy Lifestyle

Green exercise has more benefits

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Somehow, after the gym I don’t feel as energized as after a good hike through the woods. Scientists recently found out what’s missing in most gyms: Something green.
The benefit of exercising outdoors goes beyond burning calories. Being outside in Mother Nature helps reducing stress, depression and anger and thus overall, improves the emotional state.
Nothing relaxes more than Mother Nature

Well, that’s nice to know, but not much comfort in the middle of a long New England winter. Today, it was snowing lightly throughout the entire day.

But it seems that research offers a solution for people with limited outdoor opportunities based on their geographical location:

Researcher at the University of Essex in Britain tested the impact of different views on treadmill runners. One group was exposed to idyllic rural views while running, and the other group to rather unpleasant city views. After 20 minutes of exercise the researcher measured blood pressure and how the participants were feeling. Needless to say, the group who looked at the rural views had the better results.

Nothing relaxes more than Mother Nature

Coach 4 U Blog, Happiness

Your perfect day?

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What would be your perfect day? Who would be in it? What would you do? What makes a day the “perfect day”?

For me, right now, a perfect day would be one, where I don’t have to think about what I “must do next”. I long for a day off – but I know this is only temporary, since I feel a little exhausted.

Normally, I would describe my perfect day differently: I would describe it as a nice, sunny and warm day. I’m spending the day with people I love to be around; and I would get to know something new; the last point being the most important part of the perfect day. I love to have new experiences in my life; these may be traveling to foreign countries, taking courses or visit a museum where I haven’t been before.

I’m unhappy if I have to spend my days with routine jobs, in routine meetings, or with routine chores at home.

Why did I ask the questions about your perfect day? Because I believe, it’s important to think once in a while about the perfect day. It tells you where you are standing right now in life, what’s missing and what you might want to change or add, if possible.

One of my favorite quotations:
Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action. (Benjamin Disraeli)

Coach 4 U Blog, Happiness

Happiness and Relationships

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This weekend, we finally made it to the movie theatre and watched “The Bucket List”. This is an outstanding movie about two elderly men from very different backgrounds, who – in the face of death after diagnosed with incurable cancer – go out into the world to do in the last months of their lives all the things they always wanted to do.

There are many funny situations and dialogues. However, the movie also wants to teach us something important: All the money in the world, and all the trips to exotic locations, fun and adventures one can buy with money, can’t replace what really counts, a relationship with someone close to your heart. Toward the end of the movie, both men found their way back to the most important person in their lives, and then they were able to experience true happiness and inner satisfaction.

Personally, I believe that the movie’s message is correct – and I also have scientific back-up for that. A few years ago was a study published that asked ” What makes us happy?”. For this study, several hundreds of college students answered questions about recent experiences, which the students had rated as “satisfying events” in their lives. The result of the scientific analysis of these events was that students rated especially those events as satisfying that gave them a feeling of autonomy, competence, self esteem and connectedness with other people.

Coach 4 U Blog, Job Satisfaction

Do you work in your dreams?

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According to studies, the majority of people have dreams about their work. In one study about 70 % of those, who dream about their job, said that they even have found solutions to work-related problems in their dreams. 

Opinions now vary as to whether this is a good thing or a bad thing.

While dreaming about work may be just the normal response to the fact that we spend most of our day at work and with colleages, it could also be seen as manifestation of too much stress and inability to shut off.

Scientists don’t even know for sure, why we are dreaming. Sigmund Freud called dreams the “royal road to the unconscious mind”. This idea became the foundation for countless of books about dream symbols and how to interpret dreams. Other researcher doubt that dreams have a deeper meaning. According to new research we seem to consolidate memories in the REM-phase of sleep. This is also the phase when most of our dream activity is happening. Allan Hobson, professor of psychiatry at Harvard medical school, explains dreams as the result of more or less random brain activity while the cognitive control centers are shut down. Therefore, it wouldn’t make much sense to search for meaning in our dreams.

Anyway, whether dreams have a meaning or not, there are many testimonials of people, who are saying they had the best ideas while asleep. I would love to have such dreams, because I always think in the morning that I didn’t dream at all. 

Achieving Goals, Coach 4 U Blog

The Power of Persistence

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Cancer researcher Judah Folkman has died. Folkman was a visionary who for more than 30 years pursued his idea that cutting off a tumor’s blood supply would stop cancer growth. Today, more than one million of cancer patients are being treated with medication based on his groundbreaking research.I’m writing about Folkman because his life and work demonstrates that success often requires sticking to ideas even in the face of skepticism and criticism. When he first proposed his ideas about cutting off the blood supply his colleagues didn’t take him seriously. Cancer research in the 70s focused on improving chemotherapy drugs. But Folkman didn’t give up on his idea to swim with the mainstream. Instead, he pursued it with great determination even though his own experiments didn’t always deliver the results he had hoped for. It eventually paid off and in 1998 the Ney York Times celebrated him on page one as the man who could cure cancer. Though these hopes were too high, drugs targeting a tumor’s blood supply are today a fixed part of many treatment plans.

Secret of success

In my opinion, Folkman’s story highlights one of the biggest differences between successful people and less successful. It’s often not about skills, talent, knowledge, power or money. The difference is in the degree of determination and persistence. I read in Folkman’s obituary in the Boston Globe that he liked to joke “if your idea succeeds, everybody says you are persistent. If it doesn’t succeed, you’re stubborn”.

The thing is, many people with good ideas give up because they are afraid of being perceived as stubborn.

No such word as ‘failure’

According to the same obituary a friend said about him, that there was no such word as defeat in Folkman’s lexicon. A setback like an experiment with inconclusive results was only a learning point. Relentlessly, Folkman tried again with new experiments to prove that cancer growth can be stopped by cutting off the blood supply.

This is the second secret of success: the ability to view failure only as a temporary setback. On the long run, each failure offers the possibility to learn from it and thus gets you one step closer to your goal.

Experience success through the assistance of a life coach

Not many people have this ability, and exactly here a life coach could help. A life coach provides support, offers feedback, designs with you a plan how to achieve your goal and will help to refocus in times of temporary setbacks.

Most importantly, a life coach will help you to silence your “inner critic”; it’s this voice inside your head which most of us know too well: “You are not good enough; nobody cares; who you think you are?” The road to success is rocky enough without the added burden of the inner critic.

Coach 4 U Blog, Healthy Lifestyle

Weekend blues?

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Finally weekend. Any plans?

Friends often tell me that they are not really sure what to do on weekends, aside from sleeping in or going to the movies; “There is not much else to do”.

I’m under the impression that many people don’t really know what they are passionate about, what would really fill their lives, and what could energize them.

In the book “Wishcraft” by Barbara Sher, I read her recommendation to think back at childhood. What was it that could energize you as 5 year old, what did you love to do, how did you spend your time back then? Chances are high that what you loved to do as a child could still hold some ‘passion potential’ today.

For me, this is true. As little girl, I loved to draw and paint, and creating things. Today,  I still love creative work, from photography, designing my garden to cooking.

Achieving Goals, Coach 4 U Blog

Afraid of improvisation?

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Yesterday, I took an Improvisation workshop for Life coaches. It was a workshop with Daena Giardella, an amazing actor, writer, creativity and acting coach.

While I was listening to her, I became more and more aware of the little space we give to spontaneity and improvisation in our lives. All the time, we strive to be perfect. We plan and follow rules, anxiously trying to avoid failure.

But if we restrict ourselves to what’s already tried and tested, how will we find new solutions and make exciting discoveries?

Daena says, “Improvisation is about making choices and daring to give them your fullest commitment even before you know why or where it will lead you.”